That's why girls always keep their smartphones from their boys! (2.3)

A picture reveals a girl's anxiety to her "green-eyed monster." ※

Figure one

  "The boy in the picture is my friend, who and I as well as my boyfriend were classmates in senior high school," the responder explained, who is 19-year-old and in a stable relationship for 3 years. She continued, "I took it for the touching moment that he carried the baggage for me. But if my boyfriend saw this in my smartphone, he would not stop pouting.

  Moreover, talking about if her boyfriend saw her smartphone, "it's like my privacy being invaded and I would feel uncomfortable," the responder commented. 

  A smartphone is just like a diary. You can take down anything in your life by taking pictures or sending texts and emails.  So, boys, especially who are always ready to be jealous, stop blaming your girlfriend for not letting you see her smartphone. Because it is very likely that you get madder when seeing something unusual!

                                                                                             ※a green-eyed monster is someone who is always jealous                                                  

      

Peers' response

1.Unnecessary words and sentences
a. Delete "to you" in the last sentence.
b. Delete the first sentence "Now that...by using a smartphone" in the last paragraph.
>>(Accepted) Because the subject of the sentence is "you", it is redundant to emphasize it again. As for b, the functions of a smartphone are not the point. So, I will revise the sentence into this "A smartphone is just like a diary. You can take down anything in your life by taking pictures or sending texts and emails."

c. It is not appropriate to say that always "ready to" be jealous in the last paragraph.
>>(Rejected) I think there is nothing wrong with this expression. And it perfectly indicates the idea how easily and frequently a man can be jealous.

2.Addition
a. Add "figure one" for the picture.
b. Add a note for "a green-eyed monster."
>>(Accepted) Adding "figure one" is a must undoubtedly. As for b, since English learners may be unfamiliar with the phrase, I think it is needed to add a note for them.

c. Add the responder's name.
>>(Rejected) First of all, I have already provided enough details about the responder such as her age and the relationship's condition. And after you watch the interview, you can see that I have promised her not to reveal her name. That is a privacy problem. So, I insist on staying the same.

3.The conclusion
The conclusion should be stronger.
>>(Rejected) I think this comment means I should put a deeper meaning on the conclusion. But the whole point of the news is to tell boys why girls keep the smartphones from them. And the conclusion is the possible consequence if they do see the smartphones. It is an interesting end, and I am sure there is no deeper meaning I can put on it.  

4.The second paragraph
Extend the second paragraph by getting more examples from other responders.
>>(Rejected) The whole news is about the example of the responder I interviewed. So there are no other responders involved, and not to mention, their examples.

That's why girls always keep their smartphones from their boys! (2.2)

A picture reveals a girl's anxiety to her "green-eyed monster."

  "The boy in the picture is my friend, who and I as well as my boyfriend were classmates in senior high school," the responder explained, who is 19-year-old and in a stable relationship for 3 years. She continued, "I took it for the touching moment that he carried the baggage for me. But if my boyfriend saw this in my

smartphone, he would not stop pouting.

  Moreover, talking about if her boyfriend saw her smartphone, "it's like my privacy being invaded and I would feel uncomfortable," the responder commented. 

  Now that you can take pictures or send messages and emails by using a smartphone. It's like a diary in which you take down anything in your life. So, boys, especially who are always ready to be jealous stop blaming your girlfriend for not letting you see her smartphone. Because it is very likely that you get madder at her when you see something unusual to you!