Peers' response

1.Unnecessary words and sentences
a. Delete "to you" in the last sentence.
b. Delete the first sentence "Now that...by using a smartphone" in the last paragraph.
>>(Accepted) Because the subject of the sentence is "you", it is redundant to emphasize it again. As for b, the functions of a smartphone are not the point. So, I will revise the sentence into this "A smartphone is just like a diary. You can take down anything in your life by taking pictures or sending texts and emails."

c. It is not appropriate to say that always "ready to" be jealous in the last paragraph.
>>(Rejected) I think there is nothing wrong with this expression. And it perfectly indicates the idea how easily and frequently a man can be jealous.

2.Addition
a. Add "figure one" for the picture.
b. Add a note for "a green-eyed monster."
>>(Accepted) Adding "figure one" is a must undoubtedly. As for b, since English learners may be unfamiliar with the phrase, I think it is needed to add a note for them.

c. Add the responder's name.
>>(Rejected) First of all, I have already provided enough details about the responder such as her age and the relationship's condition. And after you watch the interview, you can see that I have promised her not to reveal her name. That is a privacy problem. So, I insist on staying the same.

3.The conclusion
The conclusion should be stronger.
>>(Rejected) I think this comment means I should put a deeper meaning on the conclusion. But the whole point of the news is to tell boys why girls keep the smartphones from them. And the conclusion is the possible consequence if they do see the smartphones. It is an interesting end, and I am sure there is no deeper meaning I can put on it.  

4.The second paragraph
Extend the second paragraph by getting more examples from other responders.
>>(Rejected) The whole news is about the example of the responder I interviewed. So there are no other responders involved, and not to mention, their examples.