Does every child have a weakness for junk foods? (1.4)

Beyond HUGE expectation, children in the NCU kindergarten really have strong awareness of unhealthy foods!

    The young responders, who are 5 or 6 years old, are composed of 10 boys and 8 girls.

    "I love McDonald's," two boys yelled. The rest answered,"NO!"

    "I know that McDonald's is junk food," some children in "NO" group said.
    
    To make sure their awareness, I questioned,"Would you like to eat unhealthy foods if I tell you that they make you stupid?" "NO!" all of them responded.

     A piece of news in Taipei Times on 23th of February suggested that too many unhealthy foods lower a child's IQ. The interview, for the original purpose of learning whether unhealthy foods play a threatening role in the children's daily lives, turns out to be a surprising discovery.

     There is no doubt that unhealthy foods exist for good and all in children's lives. But parents' worries about children's IQs are not needed. Clearly, they know that they are not supposed to eat junk foods!

Do you mind your lover takes a look at your cell phone?(2.1)

Almost everyone carry a cell phone.
As smart phones become more and more prevailing, in addition to make phone calls, you can make schedules, send text messages,or check emails.
They become so important that people may be disturbing all day long if they leave them at home
before going to school or work.
Moreover, for some, it is just like a diary, a private space in your daily life.
So,think about how you would do if one day, your lover asked to take a look at your cell phone!

Source for the picture above: http://www.123rf.com/photo_381010_young-couple-using-cell-phones.html

Peers' response

1.the title

 a.The title is too specific. Replace 18 children with kindergartners if you want to make the issue general.

   b."Truth" is not specific. You should talk more about the news content in the title.

→(REJECTED) I agree with the advice that the title is too specific. But, replacing 18 children with kindergartners cannot make the title better. As for the second advice, the purpose of using "truth" is to make readers track down what the truth is. So, in order to connect the title with the subtitle, I make it a question.(The subtitle is the answer.) It is not specific any more but still arouses readers' interest toward my news.  

2.the subtitle

  Adding "out of our imagination" before the subtitle will be good.

→(REJECTED) "Out of our imagination" is a good phrase to raise readers' attention. But I think "beyond huge expectation" is more appropriate for my subtitle.

3.the structure

  Show the children's response first and then explain it.

→(ACCEPTED) It can raise readers' curiosity and makes them keep on reading.

4.words choosing

  Replace "are not needed" in the last paragraph with "are not necessary" because the latter is more professional.

→(REJECTED) There is no difference between "are not needed" and "are not necessary." Besides, the former seems more concise.

Does every child have a weakness for junk foods?(Final)

Beyond HUGE expectation, children in NCU kindergarten really have strong awareness of unhealthy foods!


    The young responders, who are 5 or 6 years old, are composed of 10 boys and 8 girls.

    "I love McDonald's," only 2 boys said. The rest answered,"NO!"

    "I know that McDonald's is junk food," some children in "NO" group noted.
    
    To make sure their awareness, I questioned,"Would you like to eat unhealthy foods if I tell you that they make you stupid?" "NO!" all of them responded.

     A piece of news in Taipei Times on 23th of February suggested that too many unhealthy foods lower a child's IQ. The interview, for the original purpose of learning whether unhealthy foods play a threatening role in the children's daily lives, turns out to be a surprising discovery.

     There is no doubt that unhealthy foods exist for good and all in children's lives. But parents' worries about children's IQs are not needed. Clearly, they know that they are not supposed to eat junk foods!

An unbelievable truth of the 18 children

The 18 children in NCU kindergarten really have strong awareness of unhealthy foods!

    A piece of news in Taipei Times on 23th of February suggested that too many unhealthy foods lower a child's IQ. An interview, for the original purpose of learning whether unhealthy foods play a threatening role in the children's daily lives, turns out to be a surprising discovery.

    The young responders, who are 5 or 6 years old, are composed of 10 boys and 8 girls.

    "I love McDonald's," only 2 boys said. The rest answered,"NO!"

    "I know that McDonald's is junk food," some children in "NO" group noted.
    
    To make sure their awareness, I questioned,"Would you like to eat unhealthy foods if I tell you that they make you stupid?" "NO!" all of them responded.

    There is no doubt that unhealthy foods exist for good and all in children's lives. But parents' worries about children's IQs are not needed. Clearly, they know that they are not supposed to eat junk foods!