That's why girls always keep their smartphones from their boys! (2.3)

A picture reveals a girl's anxiety to her "green-eyed monster." ※

Figure one

  "The boy in the picture is my friend, who and I as well as my boyfriend were classmates in senior high school," the responder explained, who is 19-year-old and in a stable relationship for 3 years. She continued, "I took it for the touching moment that he carried the baggage for me. But if my boyfriend saw this in my smartphone, he would not stop pouting.

  Moreover, talking about if her boyfriend saw her smartphone, "it's like my privacy being invaded and I would feel uncomfortable," the responder commented. 

  A smartphone is just like a diary. You can take down anything in your life by taking pictures or sending texts and emails.  So, boys, especially who are always ready to be jealous, stop blaming your girlfriend for not letting you see her smartphone. Because it is very likely that you get madder when seeing something unusual!

                                                                                             ※a green-eyed monster is someone who is always jealous                                                  

      

Peers' response

1.Unnecessary words and sentences
a. Delete "to you" in the last sentence.
b. Delete the first sentence "Now that...by using a smartphone" in the last paragraph.
>>(Accepted) Because the subject of the sentence is "you", it is redundant to emphasize it again. As for b, the functions of a smartphone are not the point. So, I will revise the sentence into this "A smartphone is just like a diary. You can take down anything in your life by taking pictures or sending texts and emails."

c. It is not appropriate to say that always "ready to" be jealous in the last paragraph.
>>(Rejected) I think there is nothing wrong with this expression. And it perfectly indicates the idea how easily and frequently a man can be jealous.

2.Addition
a. Add "figure one" for the picture.
b. Add a note for "a green-eyed monster."
>>(Accepted) Adding "figure one" is a must undoubtedly. As for b, since English learners may be unfamiliar with the phrase, I think it is needed to add a note for them.

c. Add the responder's name.
>>(Rejected) First of all, I have already provided enough details about the responder such as her age and the relationship's condition. And after you watch the interview, you can see that I have promised her not to reveal her name. That is a privacy problem. So, I insist on staying the same.

3.The conclusion
The conclusion should be stronger.
>>(Rejected) I think this comment means I should put a deeper meaning on the conclusion. But the whole point of the news is to tell boys why girls keep the smartphones from them. And the conclusion is the possible consequence if they do see the smartphones. It is an interesting end, and I am sure there is no deeper meaning I can put on it.  

4.The second paragraph
Extend the second paragraph by getting more examples from other responders.
>>(Rejected) The whole news is about the example of the responder I interviewed. So there are no other responders involved, and not to mention, their examples.

That's why girls always keep their smartphones from their boys! (2.2)

A picture reveals a girl's anxiety to her "green-eyed monster."

  "The boy in the picture is my friend, who and I as well as my boyfriend were classmates in senior high school," the responder explained, who is 19-year-old and in a stable relationship for 3 years. She continued, "I took it for the touching moment that he carried the baggage for me. But if my boyfriend saw this in my

smartphone, he would not stop pouting.

  Moreover, talking about if her boyfriend saw her smartphone, "it's like my privacy being invaded and I would feel uncomfortable," the responder commented. 

  Now that you can take pictures or send messages and emails by using a smartphone. It's like a diary in which you take down anything in your life. So, boys, especially who are always ready to be jealous stop blaming your girlfriend for not letting you see her smartphone. Because it is very likely that you get madder at her when you see something unusual to you!                                                                                         

  

Does every child have a weakness for junk foods? (1.4)

Beyond HUGE expectation, children in the NCU kindergarten really have strong awareness of unhealthy foods!

    The young responders, who are 5 or 6 years old, are composed of 10 boys and 8 girls.

    "I love McDonald's," two boys yelled. The rest answered,"NO!"

    "I know that McDonald's is junk food," some children in "NO" group said.
    
    To make sure their awareness, I questioned,"Would you like to eat unhealthy foods if I tell you that they make you stupid?" "NO!" all of them responded.

     A piece of news in Taipei Times on 23th of February suggested that too many unhealthy foods lower a child's IQ. The interview, for the original purpose of learning whether unhealthy foods play a threatening role in the children's daily lives, turns out to be a surprising discovery.

     There is no doubt that unhealthy foods exist for good and all in children's lives. But parents' worries about children's IQs are not needed. Clearly, they know that they are not supposed to eat junk foods!

Do you mind your lover takes a look at your cell phone?(2.1)

Almost everyone carry a cell phone.
As smart phones become more and more prevailing, in addition to make phone calls, you can make schedules, send text messages,or check emails.
They become so important that people may be disturbing all day long if they leave them at home
before going to school or work.
Moreover, for some, it is just like a diary, a private space in your daily life.
So,think about how you would do if one day, your lover asked to take a look at your cell phone!

Source for the picture above: http://www.123rf.com/photo_381010_young-couple-using-cell-phones.html

Peers' response

1.the title

 a.The title is too specific. Replace 18 children with kindergartners if you want to make the issue general.

   b."Truth" is not specific. You should talk more about the news content in the title.

→(REJECTED) I agree with the advice that the title is too specific. But, replacing 18 children with kindergartners cannot make the title better. As for the second advice, the purpose of using "truth" is to make readers track down what the truth is. So, in order to connect the title with the subtitle, I make it a question.(The subtitle is the answer.) It is not specific any more but still arouses readers' interest toward my news.  

2.the subtitle

  Adding "out of our imagination" before the subtitle will be good.

→(REJECTED) "Out of our imagination" is a good phrase to raise readers' attention. But I think "beyond huge expectation" is more appropriate for my subtitle.

3.the structure

  Show the children's response first and then explain it.

→(ACCEPTED) It can raise readers' curiosity and makes them keep on reading.

4.words choosing

  Replace "are not needed" in the last paragraph with "are not necessary" because the latter is more professional.

→(REJECTED) There is no difference between "are not needed" and "are not necessary." Besides, the former seems more concise.

Does every child have a weakness for junk foods?(Final)

Beyond HUGE expectation, children in NCU kindergarten really have strong awareness of unhealthy foods!


    The young responders, who are 5 or 6 years old, are composed of 10 boys and 8 girls.

    "I love McDonald's," only 2 boys said. The rest answered,"NO!"

    "I know that McDonald's is junk food," some children in "NO" group noted.
    
    To make sure their awareness, I questioned,"Would you like to eat unhealthy foods if I tell you that they make you stupid?" "NO!" all of them responded.

     A piece of news in Taipei Times on 23th of February suggested that too many unhealthy foods lower a child's IQ. The interview, for the original purpose of learning whether unhealthy foods play a threatening role in the children's daily lives, turns out to be a surprising discovery.

     There is no doubt that unhealthy foods exist for good and all in children's lives. But parents' worries about children's IQs are not needed. Clearly, they know that they are not supposed to eat junk foods!